Practice is Perfection

As my life changes, I have noticed different things within myself taking hold. Some moving forward some moving backwards. As I watch these things that move backwards, it astounds me that there is little that I can do about it. Often times I am aware that these behaviors are ones that for some time I have been over, yet they still have managed to more than creep up on me and take over my life.
It was two things that have brought me to this conclusion. One main one was something one of my employs said to me, about how I have become so high strung. Granted he was right, the type A personality that has been coming out of myself at work and in my personal life is rarely someone that I like to be. Still it was the time on the plane that really made me think these things over, relax, and try to come back to a place of peace.
It was as I was trying to control the thoughts going on in my mind and the words and tone out of my mouth-which I must admit were less than pleasurable-that I came to thinking that there was nothing wrong with what was going on. I needed to embrace it and realize that it was happening for a reason. It was all not a compleat loss because I recognized it.
Many similar things have happened to me over the past few months, I have to remind myself that it is a practice. No one is perfect, even Vishnu when he manifests himself into a physical being must under go the same trials and tribulations that we all face as humans. It is the way of Maya.
Still it is the very simple fact that I noticed. Just me recognizing that there was something amiss with the way that I was thinking and acting there was growth.Threw that noticing was where I could mark growth, but at the same time the fact that I was judging what was happening, was where I went wrong.
We are all only human, and there is something to be said when a yoga instructor tells you in class, “notice without judgement the thoughts going on in your own head.” Notice WITHOUT judgement. I was judging myself, and have been for sometime now.
It is our human nature to want everything the way we see it, for it to be perfect the way we view perfection and judge things based on that. It is without this judgement that we have to view not only ourselves, but the world around us.
The human condition and nature is out of our own hands, even our own to some extent we have no real control over. It is this that I faltered. I have been very hard on the people I work with. I constantly stand over them and ask more of them than they might rightfully have to give, then I judge them, and use this job as a mask, a excuse to judge them on. “It is my job to see the difference between working style and personality” I would tell myself and my coworkers. Yet it is not the human way to look at things, let alone the yogi way.
It was in the book by Ben Hoff The Tao of Pooh that taught me one of the most important lessons that seems to have escaped me this time around. We can not force people into our ideas of perfection, or what they should do for their role, yet we need to accept how they fill their own role in their own way. It is the same argument brought to me about children and their parents. “My mother was a bad mother because she did or did not do this” I respond, “But thats your idea of a mother, what if hers is different?”
It is here that I have strived and judged myself the harshest in failure. Because things were not the ways I have strived to make them, my perfection, I had failed. Thus I was a bad person and was allowing my bitter nature to lash out at others around me. The worse was I knew it was happening. I had been told that that was exactly what was getting me down and depressing me. Still I had let it happen, and it could not have been more perfect for happening that way. It was because of these things that I could return to, and learn. Threw the greatest failures and mistakes, we find our own strengths and growth.
We are only human and it is the lesson that I preach the most; that we practice, we are not perfect and it is in this knowledge that we can learn and grow.

About 8petallotus

Here are the thoughts that hit me after everything is done and quiet, capturing the few moments of enlightenment between the grind and giving it a place to inspire. A place for yoga and divine inspiration.
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