When ever you in bark on a new relationship, of whatever standing, there is a process of finding rules and boundaries, thoughts and feelings, give and take. Generally in romantic relationships this process tends to be a bit more involved then friendships and the like.
I have discovered that when it comes to me and how I handle these situations, I tend to put the other parties interests, feelings, and needs a head of my own. I have gone to the extent of making myself physically sick over some situations I have encountered.
Much of the time these situations are simple and would be solved quickly with a phone call or a text, however I am so worried about the other person thinking me a pest I let things fester. Further if there is something happening that I disagree with, I will many times ignore it and push it to my sub-conscience. This leads to further problems down the road.
I learned though, by thinking I was being completely selfless, I was being entirely selfish. By allowing myself to become mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically disturbed by things thinking it was for the benefit of the relationship or the other party; I was keeping them from the best and healthiest parts of myself.
There is a very telling quote on going around, which reads as follows;
“The greatest gift you can give someone is
Your own personal development.
I used to say, ‘if you will take care of me,
I will take care of you.’
Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you,
if you will take care of you for me.'”
I always thought I understood and practiced this, however lately I understand that’s just not the case. I was trying to take care of other at the expense of myself, and with holding the best parts. I was being selfish in my-selflessness.
Your own thoughts, wants, and feelings are as important as the other parties, for if your needs are not being met it can ruin the relationship too. By letting things fester, and seep into your sub-conscience you will find ways to destroy the relationship, no matter how good it is, or how much you ‘love’ the other person.
True love feelings happen when both parties needs, wants, and feelings are met in a mutual fashion. If you with hold how you are feeling, and do not be selfish every so often, you will find yourself warn down and unable to give the other party the real attention that they deserve.
Being selfish is not just taking everything you want at the expense of another, on the contrary. If you love someone seeing them happy will satisfy you and make you happy. Yet at the same time those feelings of happiness should not out do your own.
Relationships are about compromise so that both are happy. Compromise and happiness can only happen when both parties are expressing their needs and wants, and those things are being met. Being quiet about the things that bother you do nothing but destroy half the equation, and a tree can not live with only the roots or the leaves, it needs both to survive.