YS 1.15 “Non-attachment is self-mastery; it is freedom from desire for what is seen or heard”
It has been some time since I wrote last, for that I am sorry. However life seems to move that way, one moment you feel like you have all the time and ideas in the world; and then the next you are so busy you lose yourself and are as barren creatively as the surface of the ocean.
However I seem to have found myself back in a curious spot mentally. Fragmented still, yet oddly at peace with myself when I am alone. When I find myself interacting with people I have become less than the peace loving yogi that I would prefer to be viewed as, and again have become a harsh wielder of words.
I find this to be an interesting transition in thought, moving from a peaceful and loving state into almost a vindictive bitterness. Still it is far from the way I feel and more in the way I interact. I am painfully aware of this short coming and flaw within myself; yet as I am critiqued upon these interactions, my reactions have been even less inviting than the previous interactions. Why then do I find myself in these states? More over, when I meditate, why am I so wrapped up in the recent past that the inability to let it go causes me the simple yogi cry at the end of a practice?
Simply it is because the self loathing that I find myself trapped in when these things happen. I find myself becoming so harsh upon my actions, and feel that others are more so, that I shut down and wish to shut the world out. Part of me wants to point to these things and say it is because now is the winter months and the time to sit, and become withdrawn to recognize and work through these thought process; and the unnatural amount of which I have been partaking in social gatherings, and with the same people, has caused my brain to split and become warped in thought processes. Still I know that it should not matter when it comes to compassionate understanding of others.
As a normal response to situations and thought processes like these; I find myself wanting to run and hind away until this momentary lapse in judgement has passed. However I also have had the universe teach me a very important lesson as of late: running away solves nothing, and just fragments the relationships that we find most dear.
Relationships, any type of relationship, is fragmented when one of either party runs away-be it physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Anytime we fail to face the things that makes us uncomfortable we lose a chance at growth; and when we do that within a friendship we run the risk of losing that friend all together.
This can even be said about ourselves. Culture and society has made an engrained thought process to not think on ourselves or delve too deep inside. Granted, there have always been pockets of those who understand differently, as well as a changing perspective in today’s world; nonetheless even the most enlightened among us have a great habit of repressing or ignoring many of the deeper seeded issues and behaviors blaming it on either ego or astro phenomena.
Now just because there is a need to face truth and not run away from uncomfortable ideals, there is something to be said for tact, for time and place. Growing too quickly produces unneeded stress and ultimately has a rubber-band effect of regression. Needless to say this can also be used as an excuse to not understand or handle the situation at hand.
On our spiritual paths of growth there is a great tendency to stumble upon unwanted and unloved parts of ourselves. Often times when these are brought to our thought processes they have a way of leaking out onto our social lives and outward interactions. When this happens the best medicine is bravery and compassion; for running away from a situation dose nothing but causes decay.