I have been over run with thoughts regarding this week’s topic. As I did not write last week, there seems to be an abundance of topics that I thought about; then when I settle on one, the words do not seem to flow as they normally do. The majority of the themes run with change, gratitude, and manifestation; and although I have had all these topics as running themes these past two weeks, nothing is so full that I can create a whole prose. So I have decided to just recount the events and allow all the beautiful messages to emerge on their own.
As you know I quite my desk job two and a half weeks ago; and although I did not have a job lined up at the time I put in the notice I had been interviewing for a yoga teaching job that would provide benefits and steady income while giving me an opportunity to do what I was passionate about. By the end of the week they had called me back and offered me the job. I had created the space and allowed the things I want to come to me.
I have known that this was coming for weeks now, still it took the final days at my desk job for the idea to really sink in. You see even as I surround myself with people whom always aspire to follow their passions, and will take nothing less in life than what truly makes them happy, I have never been able to cultivate that strong belief that I actually could. I do not know where this lack of faith comes from, I am just aware that it is there. It causes me to be particularly careful when creating a manifestation to make sure negative thoughts do not seep in and destroy the magic.
So there I was aware that big changes were taking place but not yet at a stage where I could truly accept that I was so blessed. The less that I could believe it, the harder things were too. I started becoming increasingly stressed out and tired. I felt unable to do anything of real value, and was challenged to let go. My last full week at work was difficult to understand. I was slowly stripped of understanding and the responsibilities that my job title held, while at the same time still being held accountable. By Friday I was ready to call off work again.
That weekend, however, I was granted a chance to see one of my favorite bands, Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zero. There are no words to express this show. First off the music is in and of itself is powerful, loaded not only with good lyrics, but the soul to sing them. So then going to the show was a spiritual experience. You were able to shed the unwanted parts of yourself, then invite the best energy in to awaken the true Self.
My last week was more relaxed. I gave up on the things I could not change, and stopped worrying about the things I would no longer be able to contribute. There were still moments where I was not sure if I could continue to finish out the week there; but over all by the last two days I was filled with so much joy that it all seemed not to matter.
My last day was surreal. It could not click that I would not come back to the building that I had been working in for two and a half years. Beyond that having a chance to explain to everyone what I was leaving to do created a light headedness. I was following a dream. I was able to follow a dream. There was no amount of negative energy that could take from me the fact that something I never dreamed possible was happening, and so quickly.
I found myself trying to explain to people this state of bliss and gratitude. I could not comprehend where the good fortune came from. I could not bring myself to understand how I become so lucky. All I could do was accept the blessings, and show gratitude.
Closing the chapter of the last two and half years was difficult. Looking back it makes sense. My life style had changed over that time and rekindled a passion deep within my heart that I was truly ready to pursue. Still working through those last few pages were challenging. I had to learn to truly accept that these things were happening to me, let go of the past in every big and little way, as well as just accept that for whatever reason I was blessed and needed to just show gratitude.