So for anyone keeping up on my day to day, I recently had a big bout of doubt. Like a HUGE bout of doubt, to the point where I almost walked away from everything that I had been doing for the past year. It seemed that no matter what I would do to try and get ahead in my life it would blow up in my face, so I started soul searching and trying to get to the root of the problem. I have been doing a lot of work and soul searching lately, and connecting with my Higher Self. In this work I have learned many lessons, but none so powerful than learning and relearning the graceful art of surrender.
After a series of failed experiments, and failed manifestations – though nothing truly fails if you add “this or something better” – I thought I had lost all sense of magic and intuition. I thought that I had lost these two powerful and important skills because I was not flowing in line with my Higher Self; and yet every time I would go back and ask that question I got a clear answer that I was doing what I was supposed to. So then what was going so wrong??
Last Friday I stumbled upon a Prana Healing Certification. In the class I would learn all the things that I had been chasing, but without having to relay on others to do them, rather I would learn the tools myself and would be able to help those around me. It hit me that this was my something better, that had denied me an earlier manifestation work.
The more I looked in to this certification the more it spoke to my True Self. For the next twenty four hours I kept asking my Higher Self if this was the path that I should take, if this was the next step in my journey; again I kept getting clear “yes!”. However I was not sure how I was going to go. The class cost over $600, and as I am not poor, I also do not have that kind of disposal income to kick around. I was a little confused but determined to find a way to go, and that’s when it was suggested to me to check out Go Fund Me.
Now the controversies over Go Fund Me and asking people for money, is another blog entirely. I will just say that as a person whom rather give than receive, I have no issue asking for help; but money is something that is troubling for me to ask for. I am learning the energetic qualities of money and the concept of energetic investments which I am proposing for my account. The whole bio and explanation of my feelings can be found at my GoFundMe page. (Please consider donating too, or sharing if you can not give and getting the word out if you can.)
After creating an fund I was a little concerned. As I said I do not like asking for money, and in the past have not been completely understanding of people who do for material things; still I knew that this certification would give me the tools to actually better heal both my students and my greater community. So I opened up to the universe and asked for help. Then I tried to force it.
That night I meditated on raising my money, prayed for this certification and was slowly inching up to the black hole that is obsessive and attachment. Until I actually sat in my quiet meditation – I chant on hand made mala beads before I sit in meditation and use those to focus my thoughts and manifestations. When I was sitting I started getting waves and waves of insecurities that I have been grappling with my whole life. The conclusion of which left me with the need to surrender to the greater universe and let go completely.
One of the most difficult lessons in yoga for people in our westernized culture is learning the art of surrender. This practice takes the idea of letting go to the next level, as we consciously give up the power of control to a being that we chose to have faith in. Being the hardest lesson, it is often the most rewarding as well as the most misinterpreted.
To Surrender, as defined by Oxford Dictionary,
- cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority: synonyms: capitulate · give in · give (oneself) up · give way · yield ·
This idea seems particularly scary to a culture built on the idea of control, or the idea of “picking one’s self up by their boot straps and making their own destiny or fait. However in this instance we are not giving ourselves to an enemy; but rather trusting in our Higher Selves, in the greater power over us; we are not loosing control but rather giving control over to the part of ourselves that is connected with the Universe as a whole.
Our Higher Selves is a part of us, an incased and attached part of us, that will live on after our bodies are dead. Even if you do not believe in the idea of a soul, few can deny the idea of an energetic part of ourselves that speaks in even a low voice saying, “I would not say that” or “don’t turn here” that when we listen we end up in a smoother path than when we fight. The more we work and listen to this par of ourselves the more the messages become clearer, and the more we just trust in this and let go, the more often our manifestations become reality.
Further more when we surrender, we do not just give up, stop working, or ever go against our own ideals. Surrendering is not saying that if we tell our Higher Selves what we want, then sit on the couch waiting it will magically happen; rather it is saying that we will working and detach any expectations of what is suppose to come out of that work. We will just know that each step we take will lead us to our goals and manifestations. Nor is it saying we give up our ideals of truth to go with the flow and make the greater good happy. In fact the more we work with our Higher Selves the less we are confronted with those people and situations. Instead we are pulled like gravity towards those more in line with our ideals. Still when confronted with those ideas – when you actually do have to make a stand – it is easier and recommended.
I am a huge believer in individual ritual. In my experience it is the ritual that often has the greatest result in any work I, or any of my clients, are trying to accomplish. In working with cultivating a surrendering mind set, I recommend an actual bow, or sitting in child’s pose at the end of a prayer or meditation, and saying the words “I surrender, I surrender.” This seemingly small ritual not only implants the idea, but gives it a physical and mental representation. If you have an alter, sacred, or meditative space this is the best place to do this.
Once I entered the practice of surrender, it seemed as if the universe opened up in ways I had only dreamed about. My fund reached half of its goal in only a few days. I had friends and colleges – most of whom I worried would judge me for asking for money – not only funding me; but also telling me how proud and supportive they were. I found myself teaching effortlessly in all my classes, and I felt the flow of my life run much smoother without strife or drama.
It is not easy mindset to keep day in and day out. I still meditate to the mantra “surrender, I am This I am” every day. However the more I step inside that great space and allow my Higher Self to come through, the more I find direction, security, and peace.
Practice in Peace and Love my friends ❤