The past week or so I have been growing stubborn regarding listening to the advice of others on my behavior, or choices of expression. This is not something completely uncommon for me as I am known to be somewhat stubborn regardless, particularly when it comes to my own self expression. However this was something that just felt different. It was less of a stubbornness born out of self righteousness, but rather felt more like a defensive maneuver in order to preserve some aspect of my own voice.
Over the past several weeks, I have been working tirelessly to grow my presence as a yoga instructor, and further my income through my own business. One such side-effect of opening up like this is the growing possibilities of criticism both constructive and not. Further I was not only opening myself up to those potential clients and employers; but also requesting advice from friends, family, and colleagues. Although at one point there were nothing but wonderful ideas to build upon, at some point the conversation turned from one of help to one of idealism. I felt myself slipping away into a void of questions regarding who I was, what I was doing wrong, and if the two could ever be reconciled. Eventually, with this full moon in Scorpio, I dug deep into myself and snapped. I rather let go, opening the flood gates of emotion and protecting my own true nature.
To some this might seem a little less than humble, and extremely negatively self-righteous; however we as spiritual beings on this plane of existence are not just here to eat up digested food, and regurgitate it consistently. We are here not only to understand, but also to place our own ideas and spin on this existence at large. Yes we all need to change, grow, and become better than we were the day before; but we also need to recognize that we were created perfect. At our essence we are perfect beings. We just have some earthly programming that gets in the way of that expression.
Our culture is obsessive over credentials. We not only want someone whom is yoga certified to teach us, but someone whom studied over in India. We want the teacher that has learned from the best, or is the best that the world has to offer. Then once we have gained a little insight from this person we then spout it back out, with little to no regard to those around us, and refuse to accept anything other than what our ‘great’ teacher has said. We loose sight of our own cognizant abilities, and further shut out any possibility of any other insightful person or perspective that may have been lead to guide us. We forget to feel the truth out, but instead accept it based on the word of some distant guru that we have been told is realized.
All of this obsessing leads us to believe that we are not good enough as we are. We are not smart enough, realized enough, practiced enough, learned enough, to make any real contribution to the world at large unless it is backed up by the powerful words of someone else given authority by the culture as a whole. Further once we have accepted this authority figure, we fail to stop and pause as to why they were given authority in the first place. Is it because they are on TV, they have over a million followers on social media, because someone wrote a book about them over 2000 years ago? Or if it is personal authority given, why did we decide that they have so much power in our own lives and thoughts? When did we as humans, in our so called age of reason, stop being reasonable and feeling out the truth?
Truth is all around us, and more importantly within us. We need to not just accept what other people have said just because they have some great authority, or studied with some great guru that we have never met. Rather when listening to their words, we need to feel our own true nature and see if the two vibrate together. We are not required to accept everything that is said to us by culture or society, and we are not supposed to impose our own views on others, particularly when it comes to their own truth. We are reminded then that it is not the number of followers that a guru has, but their quality and essential truth of their words. We are allowed to find our own voices and sing from them without being bogged down by the idealizations of who we should be by others.
We are challenged then to figure out how to find out own voice, and how to recognize the truth that is around and in us. I will admit that I am still far from the end of my journey with these concepts. Still over the years I have found that the best way to see what is true from the people around me, is listening to the universe and the way it speaks to me. I have found, more often than not, there is no such thing as coincidence. If something strikes a cord deep within me, it is likely that same theme will pop up again and again for sometime. Further if I was to come up with, or find these themes in meditations or deep thought, I would be not only reminded of my new task, but also advised that I was on the right path. When it comes to my recent stubbornness, yesterday was Liberty Bell of truth sounding in my ear.
Once a month the yoga studio I study at does a special Kundalini Yoga Class incorporating into it the movement of the sun signs in the zodiac. In the class we not only do a very wonderful flow that is rooted around the energies of this new aspect in the sky; but also the instructor gives us further information before the class regarding the energies we are going to be working with and how we are going to incorporate them into the class and our lives. This month was Taurus, or the bull, feeling a deep need to connect with the earth and the deep truth of the matter without any additional complex philosophical ideals. It is in these energies that we are truly challenged to see ourselves as we are and stand up for that perfect nature.
I must have been feeling this energy and the need to root down, because even before my minor break down during the full moon, I had written my flows for the month of May with the theme of settling into the body. I had focused the physical practice around Supta Virasana, or Reclined Hero’s Pose. Not only did I feel the need to incorporate this posture into the energies that are surrounding us now, but so did the instructor leading the Taurus class, allowing more than one coincidental event to occur in that hour.
It is not just our consumer mentality that pushes us to find more, better, faster; but also our rational minds not allowing us to understand and see our own perfect nature. We are lead to believe that we are incapable of producing our own truth as we do not have the right pieces of paper and connections behind us, that everything that we are is left to questioning and in need of change. I have chosen to allow the universe to make the calls for me. Feeling out my own truth, and when things collide I am aware I am on the right track. With precious moments of coincidence, like yesterday, I am reminded of my perfect nature and that I am able to create my own truth whether people want to accept it or not. Yes there is always room for improvement in everything on this plain of existence, however just because there is room we should never loose sight of what is already there that is perfect in nature.
Practice in Peace and Love ❤