The past 24-48 hours I have been very torn in my own heart. Lots of wonderful great things have been happening to me. All of the people I want to connect with and network with are calling me to connect and offering me work, I am becoming noticed by more and more people by my internet presence, and over all I have been swept up in a great whorl wind of positive changes snowballing on actions I started over a year ago. However in the same breath, I found out that one of the best people I know, and a pillar to many communities I identify with, passed on to the next phase of his journey.
It is hard to be happy and blissful when in the back of your head you are weighed with the knowledge that someone has left you life forever. Even if you can move past the grief and the questioning or the anger, and are able to just accept death as it comes, there is a sadness that will still veil the heart knowing that you will no longer have conversations with someone because they have left this plain. Furthermore, at least for me, there is the knowledge of all the people that were closest to them who are in deepest pain right now. Their spouse, kids, parents, best friends, etc. that would all see their face day after day, hear their voice with just a quick dial on the phone, whom will no longer be able to gain the advice, laughter, or sunshine that this person brought to their lives.
As I said lots of wonderful things have been happening the past few days. Since Monday I have been sideswiped by the universe about just how much of what I have been working towards is beginning to manifest. The very wonderful people that I had been hoping to connect with on a deeper level, reached out to me to connect. Companies are asking seeking me out to purchase their product for my business. And I have dozens of leads for new business and clients being thrown at me from every direction. The best part is that many of these events were put into motion long before the current Mercury Retrograde, thus they are not suspect to the same possible downfall; but rather are just continuing manifestations of previous laid plans.
While all these events were coming to a head, and I was dancing and jumping around my apartment in bliss, I happened to click on my Facebook feed just to breath for a moment. As I did this I stumbled upon some very sad news. A very wonderful man had passed away earlier in the morning May 4th. It hit me harder than most probably think it should, as we were not particularly close – I did not even know he was sick. Nonetheless he was one of those people who was just amazing. He had a wide variety of interests, and was well read in almost all of them. All one needed to do to connect with him was to let him know what they were interested in and why, almost always he would have some anecdote or comment on the subject matter. He was also very involved with every community he was a part of, creating events and holding up traditional gatherings when most others would shy away, just so that the people whom leaned on those social events did not loose out. Further he would move mountains to make sure that those who wanted to be there, could go, no matter the obstacles. Truly he was a friend to all, and to loose him, even as an outskirts type friend, would hit anyone hard.
So as it became clear to me that each time something positive, something so serendipitous and wonderful it would be aw-inspiring, would happen, a welling guilt tinted with sadness would seep in, I knew I needed to make peace. I knew that feeling sad or guilty would not be what the deceased wanted – in fact at points I could almost hear him in my head giving me grief for not celebrating my victories. As I drove around running errands today it dawned on me, the only way that I could feel at peace was not though intense bliss or happiness at all the good that was happening to me, but rather I just needed to send my thanks. Just turn every other emotion into gratitude. Gratitude for being alive, gratitude for seeing my closest loved ones every day, gratitude for life handing me blessings, gratitude for the times I was able to share with my friend, just gratitude; because everything else was fleeting and temporary. Gratitude was ever flowing and ever lasting when truly felt.
We can not pick when good or bad things happen to us. Or when we are on cloud nine, even though everyone else is weeping. However we can choose to be compassionate and resolve how to express and feel through these moments. For me it turns out that all I can do is send as much love and positivity to those who are hurting even the slightest bit over our good friend’s passing, and be grateful that I was able to know him at all.
Practice in Peace and Love my Friends ❤