The more I delve into Prenatal concepts, and Midwife’s books, the more I become comfortable with the idea of fear. Particularly giving fear a voice. In a number of the different midwife written books that I have read, the idea that a birth can be ‘held up’ because of unvoiced fears has become a prominent theme and idea. Thus when a woman goes into labor, or usually before, midwives encourage a lot of open dialogue regarding any fears a mother-to-be could have; everything from being a bad mother, to having a tough labor, to family fears, anything and everything that could affect the outcome of the birth and parenting journey.
The reason that this has become so highly stressed, is not just because it can hold up a labor; but also because in our culture – particularly the ‘New Age’ one – the idea that speaking fears would give them power. That positive manifestation and mindset can win out. The only problem with this mentality is that by ignoring these fears, they do not go away. In fact by ignoring and starving them of attention, they can become ravenous and demanding. The fears can become a force of their own, forcing you to hear them at the exact moment you are trying to stop them from manifesting.
Although I have fallen into the trap of, positive thought will win out, this concept of voicing fears makes a lot of sense to me. Being a historian, as well as a witch, there is something to be said about giving your fears a voice (note I am not talking about obsessing over them, just talking about them). For one it is often said in cultures that practiced magic to know a name was to have power over someone. It was such a powerful idea, that in Egyptian culture there was a saying, “not even his mother knows his true name” – speaking of a great magician. This idea also transcribes into ‘manifestations’ or creation magic as well. When one casts a spell, or is trying to bring something about magically, you do not speak of it, even after it has run its course. In some cultures and traditions even going so far as to only think the words of a ritual or spell, as to not break the magic being woven.
Even in day to day I have seen this idea work its way to the surface. Anytime I have something positive in the works, I often will not post anything on social media, or talk about it with anyone outside of my significant other. In the past when I had, particularly with certain people, I would watch as the new exciting event, or concept, would fall apart around me. Time and time I again I witnessed this happening; and not only with myself, but also with other people that would talk endlessly about new exciting things to happen in their lives. As each project or thing fell apart, the person would get increasingly bitter, leading to fewer and fewer positive possibilities to waltz into their lives.
So then the evidence is clear, when we talk about something, when we give ideas or possibilities a voice; they do not in fact gain power, they lose it. With this concept in mind, then, it is clear that each time we openly talk about our fears, each one looses power. It is given attention, it is fed, so it has less and less of a reason to reach up and bite us.
The night I reached this understanding, I was up late talking with my partner. I told him how I was looking at and redefining my understanding of fear. I then voiced my biggest fears going into Prenatal Yoga: that no one would take me serious because I have never given birth, nor been pregnant. As I talked to him about this, I also blurted out, “but so many women trust male doctors! And they can not even empathize with a sliced vagina pushing out a watermelon! At least I can understand the feeling!”
I woke up the next morning, and sat on my yoga matt. I started to breath and check in with myself before practice. I realized that I was full of fear. I did not feel fear, but my mind was jumping from one to the next on an intellectual, analytical pattern. So in setting my intention for practice I settled on, “To understand and release my fears. To give positive energy to my life path.” It was a transformative practice.
Afterwards I had the strong urge to journal my experience. As I began to write, I realized that I still had not fully addressed each fear I was facing with my new direction in life. I decided to write each one out in number, and underneath each one write why it was a ridiculous fear, what I could do to prepare/prevent it from happening, and how I would handle it if it did. Two major things came up out of this excurses: that I mostly wanted to have trusting, authentic, and valuable relationships on both sides with my clients and colleagues; and that if everything failed, there was life on the other side. I had seen that what most concerned me was being valued and trusted; and that I wanted to be authentic and respectful in every relationship. Also that even if everything came down around me, I would go on. There was always life afterwards. It would be different, but it did not have to be negative.
After talking over my newly gained wisdom, I realized that this was a road map. It was a dos and don’ts list. Each fear had lead me to a way that I could keep myself grounded and growing. I could not live in fear, I knew that; but I did have ways to keep the worst from happening. I also now knew the heart and soul of what I was trying to do; I knew what I wanted my environment to be for my business, what I wanted my clients to feel and experience, and the presence I wanted to have. I was also given a direction in both business, and in life.
In order to be whole people we have to address both the light and the dark. We need to recognize, acknowledge, and accept the shadow self in all of its lovely glory. We have to understand that under all the positive manifestations, there are lingering fears that need to be addressed. We might not be able to completely control and remove them; but by showing them that we see them, and know they are there, we are more able to create what we want.
Practice in Peace and Love ❤